And That's Life Continues...

I haven't blogged in months but here I am, I have returned! ;) What possibly could have kept me so busy as not to write? Well, lots and lots of needles! No, I am not a junkie haha, I am injured. I have mentioned before that I was in a pretty bad car accident over a year ago but I am not allowed to talk too much about it because of the court case. HOWEVER, I am allowed to talk about the many fun-tastic procedures they do to try to get my body back to normal.

My body right now goes between feeling OK to feeling like I should be 90 years old. I wish I had a cane sometimes and no, I'm not kidding. For example, tonight I am lying in my bed, unable to move and I have no idea why. I can't stand up straight or sit straight and I can barely move without screaming.

But this blog isn't to complain, it's to share the many fun adventures of being hit by a car. OK...some complaining may be involved but I promise not to overdo it ;)

Fun Adventure Number 1? IMS ....what is this? This is where a man takes needles, much like acupuncture needles, and stabs them into your back, wherever is hurting the most, and bruises your muscles....why? Because your body's natural reaction is to send extra fluids to heal the muscle and they hope it will heal the already damaged muscles. It literally feels like tacks are being pushed into your back. The down side? Uh duh! You get stabbed with 30 plus needles at each session. The up side? The fun stories that come with it...The man who administers IMS to me is hilarious! Not only does he own a stuffed animal of Nessie but he distracts you by asking about movies and such. Apparently I am a weird girl (in a good way) because he asked me to list my favorite movies and they went like this, "Tommy Boy, Braveheart, Sleeping Beauty, Batman and X-Men." What? This isn't normal? ;) He also mentioned to me that his wife won't watch superhero movies and is no spring chicken....sad day, she doesn't watch awesome movies AND she got called old....don't worry doc, I won't tell ;)

Fun Adventure Number 2? Facet Procedure. This is where they put you out and inject directly into your neck disc to take away the pain. The downside? Your neck is sore for a night. The upside? So far less pain in the neck but also the wonderful side effects of anesthesia! Apparently I woke up and was organizing my animal crackers...of course the hippo had to be eaten last! Also, I told the nurse she was my best friend and she snuck me some extra animal crackers CHA-CHING! I also got to hear the guy next to me cough up a lung and complain about everything...he was the poster child for not smoking and a jerk as well. I got treated extra nicely for not being a jerk, go figure! I also sent many fun, misspelled texts and forgot talking to my nurse every 2 minutes. She took out my IV and came back and I said "I think I fell asleep." She asked why and I said, "Well my IV is gone." She told me she had just taken it out...yeah I didn't remember. The man who put me under was awesome! He referred to himself as my bartender but said he didn't get to have as much fun as bartenders because all his clients fall asleep on him....aw poor bartender! I tried to talk to him but I was out in seconds. When I woke up they asked me to rate my pain apparently...I know this because the nurse later said "You said your pain was a 4 when you came out?" And I responded with, "Well if that's what I said, that sure sounds good." Lesson learned? Don't give Jill drugs...or do if you want comedy hour.

Along with these fun procedures I see a chiropractor, acupuncturist, massage therapist, neuro-psychologist, neurologist and many other doctors all in a week and as I do this I get to hear the fun comments from strangers and "friends" that it must be nice to have massages and not do anything all week. Yeah, you try having a highly damaged body part massaged....this is not a treat and seeing so many doctors is like having a full-time job. Why do I mention this? If you have any friends who are injured, don't judge until you know what they go through! I have been told it must be great not to be stressed. I have been told it must be nice not to work. Yeah....this is told to a person who never stopped moving, always was working or doing something. This was told to someone who faces stress every day because it is taking me forever to get better. I love how every person has an opinion and thinks they knows what is best when they have no idea what I go through every day. I don't wish pain on anyone and I hope they never go through what I have gone through but every so often I find myself wishing they could feel it just for a minute so they would understand and shut up. I have very few friends who don't do this and I thank them! I also have a wonderful boyfriend (that's the stud in the picture with me up top) who doesn't judge and a wonderful family! My support system rocks even if the rest of mankind doesn't haha.

So this is an update into the world of Jill and what I have been up to. I hope to be writing more. I will have plenty of time to if my back doesn't stop spasming. Hopefully some of the stories made you laugh and I didn't complain too much. Oh yeah! I almost forgot....HUGE bright side?! I got into Graduate School, which I have had to put off since the accident, and will hopefully be better because I am almost finished registering for fall of 2011! I will be a Children's Librarian before I know it! Woot Woot! :) Have a great day everyone and remember, you don't know what people are going through so don't judge until you know!

You Haven't Seen the Last of Me!

Looking back on the past year, I remember how amazing it has been but also how hard it has been. This past year brought me great joy at the end but it took a path from hell to get there. This year tested me and threatened to break me but it didn't! It didn't! This is the part I have decided to remember. I have chosen to forget the pain, the heartbreak and the tears and remember the smiles, the blessings and the happiness! I refused to let this year break me and I am continuing this inner strength by remembering the great moments! I have the best family, boyfriend and friends in the world and they help me through my darkest moments. They are amazing.

I have a huge collection of music that includes music from almost every genre...my sister calls my ipod

schizophrenic because of this vast variation. I have a song (or more) for every happy moment and sad moment of my life. I have a song for every person who has broken my heart, every friendship lost and every loved one that has left this earth. I have a million songs for happy times and my love for my family, Bill and friends. I have songs for every moment of my life. Songs are much more to me than words, they are life set to music. So, why should this year be any different than the rest of my life? Recently I saw Burlesque with Laura, then again with Laura and Kristin. I love this movie, go see it. Even more, I love the songs. I own the soundtrack (thanks to Laura) and there is one song I listen to repeatedly. This song sent tingles down my legs the first time I heard it performed and it rings true to me for this year. This song is, "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" and it was performed by Cher. This song is powerful and it sums up my life, especially this past year. So, I thought I would share the lyrics and song here and hope that it touches someone else's life because I know it has summarized mine. Enjoy!

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there’s just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I’ll get up again
Don’t count me out just yet

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me

They can say that
I won’t stay around
But I’m gonna stand my ground
You’re not gonna stop me
You don’t know me
You don’t know who I am
Don’t count me out so fast

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I’m down now
But I’ll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I’m gonna show you all what I’m made of

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

No no
I’m not going nowhere
I’m staying right here
Oh no
You won’t see me begging
I’m not taking my bow
Can’t stop me
It’s not the end
You haven’t seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me



After A Hurricane Comes A Rainbow

It's no secret to those who know me that this past year has been one of the worst years I have ever had in my life. I am not being dramatic, THIS YEAR SUCKED...well that is up until about the month of July. I ended the 2009 year by being hit by a cab driver. This caused many injuries, the loss of my job and a deep depression that felt like it would never end. I won't go into too much information on this but let's just say, I can't wait for 2010 to end. Being in bed almost constantly for more than 6 months gave me a lot of time to think. I found out who my real friends are and I found out I wasn't living my life the way I really wanted to. I had given up on my dreams.

Many people think I am crazy when I say I think my accident happened for a reason. They think I am even crazier when I say I think this reason was to knock sense back into me. I was ready to live my life in a job I tolerated but didn't love, alone and letting other people's needs completely consume my life. I'm not saying it's bad to help others but when "helping" starts to overshadow your needs and make you forget your identity it is not worth it.

Before the accident, I hadn't dated much in the past 7 years. I dated a little but, in all honesty,I had completely given up on love.  I had my heart broken too many times and I didn't want to face that prospect again. However, after about 8 months of hell, a friend dragged my depressed butt out of the house and I met the most amazing man in the world. Even in my dreams my perfect man was not this extraordinary! Instead of accepting him right away, I did what any other stubborn pain in the butt would do: I made his life difficult until he broke through the numerous walls and security systems I had put around my heart. After a lot of soul searching I realized I simply could not live my life without this man. I never would have come to this conclusion before my accident. I am certain of this fact. Before-the-accident-Jill was too obsessed with fixing everyone elses' lives, too negative about herself to let this man into her heart.

After the accident I discovered I had lost myself. I am still regaining myself but I have made great strides and this helped me to let Bill into my heart. In high school, I didn't care what people thought of me. By college I had lost this feeling. Now, I am regaining this feeling more and more every day. I am getting back to the Jill I love and respect and I haven't had that in a long time.

Like I said, during this time I learned who my friends really are. They are the ones who understood when I was too hurt to go out. They are the friends who made sure they talked to me often so I wouldn't sink further into depression. They are the ones who made me smile and focused on my needs instead of suffocating me with things I couldn't handle. They are truly amazing. My friends Kortnee, Kristin, Pam and Rhianna made sure to talk to me often and visit me when they could. Rhianna is the one who dragged my sorry butt out of the house, something I forever thank her for. Also during this time I met my best friend. She randomly messaged me on facebook, being the girlfriend of an old friend, and our relationship grew from there. The world should fear the pairing that was made here ;)

My family was beyond amazing this time! They made sure to understand all my symptoms and all my needs. My mom helped me through everything, including breakdowns and nights with no sleep because I was in so much pain. My dad did everything imaginable for me, including finding me doctors to help. My sisters made sure I was entertained and my future brother in law helped with the turns in taking me to doctors appointments. Even my nephews helped. They understood I couldn't take much but they played games with me that I could play laying on my back and they made sure to be quiet and not touch me...going without their hugs killed me but they understood.

It's been a little over a year since this accident turned my life upside down but really it turned my life right side up! I now know what I want and who I want in my life. I know who I want to be and who I need to be. Am I still in pain? Very much so. Am I still struggling to get better? You bet but at least I have a new-found, wonderful perspective on life. And life is amazing! My life was hit by a hurricane but the rainbow afterward has been extraordinary and the rainbow is the wonderful people in my life and finally feeling alive! I hope everybody takes the time to find their rainbow after a hurricane! :)

Black Swan P.P.M.R (Positively Positive Movie Review)

Since this movie is meant to leave you in suspense, I won't say much about the plot of Black Swan. However, I will say that it will keep you guessing, have you on the edge of your seat and scare the crap out of you at times. This movie intriguing, disturbing while having a deeper meaning a the same time. It's amazing!

The film follows Nina, a shy and introverted ballerina, as she attempts to channel her inner darkness and strength in order to play both the White Swan and the Black Swan in her company's production of Swan Lake.  The film focuses a lot on the effects of the world of ballet on its dancers and on the competition between the dancers, especially between veterans and up and coming ballerinas.

Natalie Portman is extraordinary as Nina! She puts a lot of heart into the role and makes Nina a multi-dimensional character in many ways (once again, no spoilers). Simply put, she deserves her Golden Globe nomination. She managed to entrance me and terrify me at the same time.

Also great are Mila Kunis and Barbara Hershey. Kunis plays Nina's competition and brings out a dark yet exciting side I have  never seen in her acting before. Hershey plays Nina's mother and she terrified me at times. She played her part with such dedication I may never be able to look at her the same in a movie again.

Also amazing is Winona Ryder, who plays veteran Beth Macintyre and who is replaced by Nina. Though Ryder only spends about 15 minutes total on screen, her impact is enormous! She helps show the impact of the dancing world on ballerinas and also represents what all dancers could eventually become. All in all, the acting is tremendous!

Also terrific are the camera angles and special effects! There are amazing tricks and effects to thrill and test you. There were many scenes that had me on the edge of my seat and had me scared of what would come next. This movie is definitely a thriller but has a touch of horror to it as well and the camera angles do a great job of keeping you on your toes.

This movie is also great at dropping hints of what to expect later in the movie while not being completely predictable. The hints allow for the plot to make sense without hitting the audience over the head with the obvious. The plot also kicks into full-gear almost immediately as the audience begins to see the effects on Nina and the other dancers almost instantaneously.

I would recommend this movie to anyone except ex-dancers who know the lengths it goes to in order to succeed in the business...hint hint to my friend Laura, this movie will be too much for you! However, for the rest of you, go see this movie. I know men are a little wary of seeing it because it's about dancers but trust me guys, it is SO much more than a dancing movie. I even had my boyfriend surprised...So now it's Bill's turn to say "You were right," to me! My only advice? Bring someone to hold on to when scared. :)

Movie Rating- No Spoonfuls- No sugar needed to sweeten this review.

The Fighter P.P.M.R (Positively Positive Movie Review)

I promised my boyfriend, Bill, that, if I liked this movie, I would stop referring to Mark Wahlberg as Marky Mark. Well, I guess I will have to retrain my brain because I loved it! I have not watched a movie with Wahlberg in it since The Happening. Yes, this is extreme and yes, this is supposed to be a positive review but I'm sorry, there was no redeeming that movie! Now I realize that Wahlberg has severe acting chops and I am really working on rewiring my vocab...it may take a while purely because of habit but here it is babe, YOU WERE RIGHT! (Don't expect that too often). ;)

I completely agree that this movie deserves as many Golden Globe nominations as it scooped up! These nominations include Best Motion Picture (Drama), Best Actor (Drama) for Mark Wahlberg,  Best Supporting Actor for Christian Bale and Best Supporting Actress for Amy Adams. All of these nominations are well-deserved and I hope to see them all taking home the honors! Let's not forget David O. Russel's nomination for Best Director! He did an amazing job!

The Fighter is based on the real life story of half-brothers Micky Ward and Dicky Eklund. Wahlberg stars as Micky, the up and coming boxer who lives his life in his brother's shadow. Bale plays Dicky, Micky's older brother, who once took down Sugar Ray Leonard  and became their town's hero. However, Dicky is the constant screw up and his actions bring down both Micky and himself until Micky can't take it anymore. I won't give too many spoilers but Bale is exceptional as Dicky, who is washed-up due to his massive crack addiction. Bale plays the part with great dedication and even looks like crap for the role. He is extremely slim with glazed eyes and a constant jitter to him. He was great! Wahlberg is amazing as Micky and he brings great heart and emotion to the screen. Within the first 20 minutes of the film I leaned over to Bill and whispered, "OK, no more Marky Mark." I was blown away. He has proven he can take the big roles and make them bigger. At the end of the film they show a small interview with the real-life brothers and these two actors nailed them with their performances. You can see great similarity in the way they talk, their movements and body language with each other. Simply put, it's a remarkable resemblance.

Also great is Amy Adams with her portrayal of Micky's girlfriend, Charlene. She is a take-no-crap bartender who falls for Micky and becomes his constant supporter. Adams showed great depth with this character and her strength and passionate support light up the screen! Also great, look for Adams in her own fight scene that even has us girls going, "Oh yeah, kick some ass!"

This movie is not just about fighting. It is about family, failure, hope and strength. It is about being let down by the people who matter most and picked back up by the same people. It is about perseverance and belief in one's self. Micky faces the constant weight of his brother's shadow and the knowledge that he is not the favorite son. In fact, he is the son no one expects to succeed. Dicky struggles with being the "hero" and can't take it. It is only after everything falls apart that he starts to pick himself up. This movie can be best described with one word, which I will steal from Bill, REDEMPTION! Not only does Wahlberg redeem himself as an actor in my eyes but every character in this movie finds redemption of some kind.

I loved it! Go see it! Women, don't fear the fighting scenes; a few of them were intense but nothing stomach turning. More importantly, this film has too much heart to pass it up.

Movie Rating: No Spoonfuls- No sugar needed to sweeten this review.

I'm Turning Into Susie Homemaker...And I Love It!!!

So, it's never been a secret to those who know and love me that all I have wanted to be since I was little is a mom. Yes, I am a feminists worst nightmare...trust me, I've been told so. Don't get me wrong, I love to work,I am going crazy being unable to work right now, but I have always wanted to be a mom. My other passion has always been writing and I love this because I can do both! I can write at home while my future kids sleep...this is my plan and I'm sticking to it!

Last year I couldn't do anything for Christmas because of my car accident so this year I am bound and determined to participate, even if it kills me, which sometimes it feels like it might. I had almost all of my presents purchased by the beginning of November, a record for me, and I have slowly been helping to decorate. We have to had to do the tree in increments but that's OK with me as long as I get to help. One thing I have really wanted to do though is bake cookies! I took a cake decorating class with my friend Laura and, since then, all I want to do is bake and decorate things for people I love!

So this week I started wrapping presents, finished the last of my shopping and made cookies...lots of cookies! I didn't realize the batch was doubled until I looked at the mass amount of cookies forming on my table. I did a quick count and I baked and individually decorated approximately 80 cookies on my own. Did it kill my back? YES!!! Oh, I am still in pain! HOWEVER, it was worth it to me because I have a boyfriend excited for cookies, a dad who needs to stop eating them and nephews who watched me decorate and asked for special things on theirs. Here's what they looked like before I decorated them:

That was before I was even done baking! I had to take small breaks but I had so much fun despite the pain! This is about the time I looked at my mom and said "I am turning into a regular Susie Homemaker and I love it!" She laughed and said she always knew I'd be the "cookie baking mom."

My nephews got especially excited when I told them they each get a special cookie. They started making requests and I happily obliged. Here's what I call my cookie family:

From left to right we have in the first row: Dad (complete with graying hair), Mom, Gabe, Addison.

Second Row: Sarah, Kristin, Jason, Me and Bill.

They boys picked out their colors and Gabe requested Nike swooshes and Addison wanted Adidas lines...They sort of turned out. I would have wanted better but they loved them.

Here's a close-up of Bill's...I made it a Nuggets Jersey with his favorite number...yes, I am crazy but I am pretty sure he loves it :) His is the only one without hair because he always buzzes it...yes I pay attention to detail ;)

I ended up making so many cookies that I have a bunch to send home to Bill's family. Here are his cookies:

About 7 hours later I had all my cookies done...thank goodness the boys were eating some of them or I would have had even more to decorate but I had so much fun! Aside from these, I have a plate on our table and three containers full in the freezer. I went overboard, my back is screaming profanities at me but I loved it!

Some may call me crazy. Some may call me a feminist nightmare. Many have told me I overdo it but guess what? I don't care! It's fun and I am going to keep doing it. I am going to be the mom that kids come home to and love because they find homemade cookies and a smiling mommy to play with. Just call me Susie Homemaker, because it's not changing! :)

Oh, and if you want some more fun stuff to read, check out my friends' blogs! They are awesome!
Kortnee's:   http://steponthejourney.blogspot.com/
Rachel's: http://www.rhymemeasmile.blogspot.com/

I Am Lucky!

I am lucky! No, I didn't just realize this but I was reminded of this fact today as I sat in my best friend's theater class. I helped Laura with her play today and ran the sound for her group. After the plays were performed, their teacher asked what they learned from this class. Some said the usual, I learned more about plays and how much work it takes, I learned to step out of my box, etc. One girl said she learned that she wanted to follow her passion, acting, a passion her mother had stomped on years beforehand. Her mother told her she didn't want her to end up like her aunt, singing on a cruise ship and wasting her life away. Now, I hear this girl is a bit of a drama queen but many people face this problem: They have no support system! I have close friends who only find criticism from their families and therefore are swayed from their goals or they must go at it alone.

Once again, I am lucky! When I was 18, I took my first writing class in college, English Composition 1, and fell in love with an old friend, writing. I had written all my life but never thought to pursue it and pushed it to the side. This class was taught by a wonderful woman who pushed me and supported me. I went into college unsure of what my major would be but this class sold me; I was going to write.

I don't know why but I was scared to tell my parents that I wanted to major in Writing. I knew this was not a "sure-thing" major and that it would be wise to major in something more practical, especially since most people first ask "So are you going to teach?" when they hear you are majoring in English. However, when I finally got the courage to tell them they responded with, "That's great!" and "I know you can do it!" They have never doubted me, not once. Mom talks constantly about seeing my name on the shelves...she hopes I will write books like Danielle Steele because those are her favorite. Dad clips out newspaper clippings about how Dr. Seuss was rejected by 20+ publishers at first to tell me to keep my hope alive. My nephew, Gabe, asks when I will publish my Children's books based on him. My sisters tell me they know I can do it. Everyone in my family has been supportive...well everybody but a few ones that aren't close to me. I had an uncle ask if I would ever get published and he basically told me to give up. My mom's response? Rage. She told me never to listen to him because she knows I can do anything. I am lucky!

I also have great friends! I have ones who yell at me to write and start a blog (she knows who she is). I have ones that read my blog daily (you know who you are). I have friends who tell me they can't wait to see me signing books at Tattered Cover. None of them have ever told me to give up and find a new dream. I am lucky!

I also have the best boyfriend in the world! He tells me daily that I can do anything I set my mind to do. He tells me he knows I will make it. He tells me he loves me and supports me every single day. I love him so much! I am SO lucky!

I can't repeat it enough. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now. Even though this last year has been the toughest one of my life, I know I am lucky for all the wonderful people God has put in my life. So many people have helped me after my car accident and continue to support me as I attempt to get my life back together. I have the best support system in the world and they tell me I can live my dreams every day! I am so thankful for having these wonderful people in my life and my only hope is that I make them feel just as lucky to have me in their lives.

I love you all!

Sorry to those I don't have pics of on this computer...and to dad for posting that embarrassing picture of him but I had to. :) Love you guys!