Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Growing Up-Friend Weeding!

This is a subject I've been wanting to talk about for a while but haven't known what direction to go with it until now. Growing up is a part of my life, we all know that and we all accept it...well, most of us anyway. It doesn't mean you suddenly stop being fun or become a person nobody recognizes, it simply means you change, you evolve and you become the person you were destined to be. The subject of growing up is a very broad term so, for this post, I'm going to narrow it down further. This will be about growing up and how it affects your relationships with friends.

In high school, it seemed like your friendships were either rock solid (besties) or you fought every other day. This was just something you accepted since you were a hormonal little piss-ant who was just trying to get by. Then you entered college and things became more real. There really is life after high school; all those after-school specials were telling the truth. This is when you kept the closer friends from high school and made new college friends. It also may be the time that you grew apart, a time you regret later on.

Now you're out of college, or close to it, and things are changing even more. The first few years of college were fun and full of parties and silly adventures. Now you are coming into your own and people are changing and so are you. It's not a bad thing, it's just true. HERE is the point were I am at. I graduated from college in 2009 and took a look at my life and went, "What did I do?!" I had very few friends, somewhat because of some control issues from one friend and also because I pulled away from others. I was also lost in my life. It was time to grow up and figure everything out.

Well, for me, things didn't work quite like that. I was in a car accident, bed-ridden and BAM suddenly I was growing up in a way that I never imagined. I was learning to live with pain, learning that life isn't planned carefully like I want it to be and, very important here, learning how to tell who my real friends are. 

When you're lying in bed, unable to move even enough to hold up a phone, you feel pretty lost. I had friends who stopped trying to talk to me. I had friends who were suddenly shocked that I couldn't listen to their every problem and fix it. I had friends who were angry because I wasn't there to be a therapist and baby-sitter. BUT I also had friends who made sure they got online on facebook to talk to me because I could balance a laptop on my stomach while I laid down. I had friends who texted me daily to make sure I was alright. I also had friends that eventually dragged me out of the house when I was able again. These are my true friends.

Since my accident I have done a lot of "weeding" when it comes to friendships. Having your life put on hold for a while makes you view things differently. I'm sure if you asked anyone who has ever had a life-threatening or life-altering ordeal occur in their live they would say they started to see the world differently. I suddenly had no time for people to use me and no time for people who didn't have time for me. 

Oh, multiple meanings for this picture...

Here's were I get to my point (finally right?) I've been told by people that I've changed, some say for the better and some say for the worst. I know I've changed but this is called growing. I have also guarded my heart for quite a long time. Some people have looked at my friend "weeding" as me being cold-hearted and unforgiving. If they knew the whole story, they would know that really this is me being driven to my final straw by many people who used me, abused me and only called when they needed something. These are people I had forgiven time and again and they never changed. Those aren't friends, they are tumors in the body of life and they must be removed. What people fail to notice is that I am no longer friends with these people but I've also forgiven them and moved on to cleanse my soul as well as my heart. I'm not perfect by any means but I am a good friend and I try to give as much as I take and I don't think it's ridiculous to expect the same in return.

In my time since my accident I've also taken a look at friends that I lost touch with along the way, for one reason or another. People have asked why I'm talking to them again and, frankly, it's none of their business but I'll say why. These people either approached me and apologized or one of us approached the other simply because it'd been a long time. You see, another part of growing up is getting over things. I'll never be friends with some people again because they were weeded out with a strong purpose but some people were young and stupid and deserve another chance. Part of growing up is deciding which friendships are worth fighting for, which are worth mending and which are lost causes.

So, why did I feel the need to right this all down? I know some people close to me who have recently done some friend weeding or need to and I thought it might help to know that they aren't alone. Hold on tightly to the people who treat you right and don't give a second thought to those who never gave you a first thought. I love all of my friends dearly and I can't imagine my life without you!

Yes they are, Calvin, but well worth the search!

Pics thanks to:


  1. I recently cut out one of my best friends because of things like this. Good for you for taking the time to figure it all out so you can tell the rest of us :). I'm still sorry about the lack of pie ;)

    1. It's always a sad experience when you have to cut them out but it's necessary. Sorry you had to do that. I hope I painted the picture correctly for everyone. And yes, I'm still sorry about the pie too but Village Inn hates us ;) haha! Ah that made my day!