Thursday, October 13, 2011


I was eating dinner with my boyfriend at Chili's when suddenly I heard a song come over the radio that brought a smile to my face. I didn't acknowledge it completely but it brought back some memories. You see, when I was in a car accident almost two years ago I was a mess afterward. I was bed-ridden, depressed and broken. My Tahoe had been totaled and released to us to sell and when the day finally came for it to be picked up I went out to the car one last time. Snow was on the ground but I insisted on walking to it alone. I could walk pretty normally by then even though pain shot through me constantly but I made my way into the chilly air and face the broken SUV that was parked up the street. I walked around it and saw the dented passenger side that looked like it had been attacked by a giant banana, the yellow paint from the cab was all over it. After doing a once over I slowly climbed into the car and put my hands on the wheel. My hands shook and my heart was rapid. My breath was coming in waves and I thought a panic attack was coming; PTSD does this to a person. I closed my eyes and remembered the safety glass from the cab raining down on my car and quickly opened my eyes again. My hands were wrapped around the wheel, white-knuckled like they had been right after the accident. Tears came to my eyes not only from the memories but from knowing this would be the last time I sat in this car. I know it is only a car but this car had seen me through a lot of my first driving and my college years. It would be hard to let it go even though it only brought back painful memories at that point.

I decided to turn on the ignition and placed the key in the starter and turned it on. Right away something funny happened. The radio came on just like it used to and a song started playing: Someday by Rob Thomas. I had heard this song before, in fact I had listened to it many times because it gave me hope after the accident. However, this time it really struck me as a sign that everything would be OK. I don't care if people find this crazy, to me it made sense. In my darkest hour there was a few lines of hope. I sat in the car and finished the song, patted the steering wheel as if to say goodbye and said a thank you in my mind for the car having been big enough to save my life. Then I went inside, curled up with an ice pack and found new determination to move on.

(more after lyrics)


You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone


And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again 

Tonight I sat at the table with my boyfriend and only heard a few of the words that went to this song but the meaning still hit me. I have come a long way since that day in the snow, staring at my demolished car. I still have back problems, still face pain daily but I am happy. I have the happiest life, the best boyfriend and I have hope. I am going after my Graduate degree and I have promise. Most importantly, I have life. I don't care how many years pass since that day, I will always hear this song and be reminded that I survived that accident and, not only did I survive, I thrived with my new sense of life. I used to listen to this song and think Someday all the tears I cried, and the ones I held inside,  would go away, that I would carry on and SOMEDAY it would be better. Well, that Someday has arrived and I living my life to the fullest. I wish the same for everyone else.

(Thanks to Rob Thomas for this song and AZ Lyrics for the lyrics.

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